July 24, 2014

TOP JOBS FOR 21557

Layoffs, bankruptcies, alien Invasion, robotic holocaust followed by a robotic apocalypse and rising unemployment – the past 12 months have been an especially traumatic time for those seeking gainful employment. Every employee is different when it comes to considering a “dream job”, but here’s a top 5 list of jobs that may surprise you …

1. ROBOT OVERLORD’S SLAVE
there’s no stigma associated with slavery since the 21550’s battle to end all stigmas. so. there’s that. plus, robot overlords offer incredible pension plans with full health benefits. they retro fit your broken feeble human body parts with leftover computer parts to ensure your slavery for millennia. is it any wonder why it’s first on the list? HAIL KLARGH!image

2. ALIEN’S SLAVE
it’s a similar position to that of robot overlord’s slave; however, one of these two juggernauts of power and control are going to dominate the universe eventually. you should really choose a side if you want to survive. in addition, the alien slave position comes with 4 extra days of sick leave.image

3. BLACKJACK DEALER
after the creulean wars and the abolishment of all forms of gambling in the milky way, cartwheel, and sunflower galaxies; no one ever imagined this job making any top job lists. but, 300 years later and we’re finally going to legalize gambling as talks about filling this position are hotter than ever.image


4. PRESIDENT OF EARTH
it’s considered a minimum wage job at 18 yetiton per hour, but you get to interact with humans, aliens, and robots all day. if you’re lucky, none of them will try to kidnap you, torture you, and leave you on a uninhabited planet to die. it’s a dirty job and it’s wrought with danger; so, apply today!image


5. EXO PLANETARY MINER
there’s no surprise here! everyone wants to shorten their lifespan and get out of this god forsaken universe. we’ve turned our messes into a catastrophic chain of unimaginable disasters. the universe we explored and exploited, as we spread disease, hatred, and war from planet to planet, is now a mirror reflection of humanity’s greedy dark empty soul. we taught our robot creations to despise us and we incited every alien species’ wrath. now every job seeker just wants a job that can kill them as quickly as possible. HAPPY MINING, Y’ALL!image

July 17, 2014

i want to put my poetry inside you

it feels like the last time.  and.  the last time felt like a crab-walk.
a backwards painful crab-walk from the kitchen to the bedroom.
that was painful.

this feels like the last time, but it has more words
it has more emotions. time. different places. and. it still feels backwards.
It’s backwards and lonely.

the other times never felt like this.
twice it was Inspiring.  motivating.  captivating.
once it was lovely.  dearer than …  missed. potentially.
another time it was forward, very forward; that was painful in other ways.
this time it’s just me. and … you? who.

it just feels like the last time. wasted.  backwards.  scheduled.
the sun comes up.  
the sun goes down.  
the bed is made.
the sheets are cleaned.  
the utility bill is paid.  
the laundry finds its way.

this feels more like the last time with more words. it seems.
it’s more than another crab-walk.
It’s more wasted years.

June 27, 2014

a thing could be a thing

a song
could be
a painting
a poem
could be
a war
a whistle
could be
a language
a day
could be
a fez (or any hat)
a wave
could be
a knife
a person
could be
a thought
a murder
could be
a mercy
a word
could be
a book
a touch
could be
a dance
a partner
could be
a style
a tradition
could be
a slave ship
a pattern
could be
a miracle
a pizza
is always
a pizza - so, stop trying to do all this crazy shit with pizzas, y’all! i’m really just looking at you, domino’s! ooooh! i swear, one of these hats i’m going to poem with you!!
June 13, 2014

i think i’m an apathetic nihilist

let’s kill tonight. murder tomorrow. suffocate today. and fight forever.
(if there’s enough time after all that; we’ll take a nap)

May 2, 2014

ramblings of a weekend. (in my head)

i want a girl who compels me to build a house.
don’t trust the sun…the earth always wins.
one in one millionth muse yields an actual genius
time is the world’s greatest critic.
there is no constant in life outside of change…(and everything associated with change)
tolerance. efficiency. moderation. adaptation. love & other intangibles.
why aren’t there any good milkshake bars?
love is easy. relationships are difficult.
education is business. celebrity is a business. friendship is business.
money. zumba. drugs. side effects include: going nowhere…and male breasts
treat each sunrise like a surprise.
after the entertainment runs dry and after the stories die; we’ll discover, invent, and pioneer again
sometimes it’s too easy to sleep where you’ve slept before…
if you’re black can you still do black face? #blackhistorymonth
the tongue is nature’s toothbrush
sometimes you have to hate your family and friends to remember how much you love them.
sex is the most powerful currency on earth.
i like to log out of one thing before i log into another thing.
toiling greatness in obscurity is better than being a talented whore.
loneliness is the world’s strongest aphrodisiac.
fear is commitment’s strongest companion.
good nights end with pillow fights.
my only regret is not regretting more.
drinc mor moon watr!

at least a shed.

May 2, 2014
i just found this….and….i haven’t stopped masturbating since.

i just found this….and….i haven’t stopped masturbating since.

May 2, 2014
i just found this. i call it, “i finally get bathrooms, man. I FINALLY GET BATHROOMS!”

i just found this. i call it, “i finally get bathrooms, man. I FINALLY GET BATHROOMS!”

May 2, 2014
i just found this. i think i made it in my emo kindergarten youth. it’s the soundtrack to my life….

i just found this. i think i made it in my emo kindergarten youth.
it’s the soundtrack to my life….

March 3, 2014
apparently, i wrote this in college. this is a picture text from my good friend dan. he found one of my poems in an old notebook of his. i can’t tell if it was a goof poem or serious poem. i read it once. i read it twice. i thought, this could simultaneously be the worst thing and the best thing i ever wrote. then i thought, that’s a good target goal for anything in life.thanks dan.

apparently, i wrote this in college. this is a picture text from my good friend dan. he found one of my poems in an old notebook of his. i can’t tell if it was a goof poem or serious poem. i read it once. i read it twice. i thought, this could simultaneously be the worst thing and the best thing i ever wrote. then i thought, that’s a good target goal for anything in life.
thanks dan.

October 16, 2013

i’m tired.

i’m tired of doing my laundry. i’m tired of shaving my chest. i’m tired of this zit on my thigh. i’m tired of biking. i’m tired of going to work. i’m tired of being a consumer. i’m tired of working for corporations who care less about employees than positions that need filled. i’m tired of thievery, robbery, and muggings. i’m tired of the 1%. i’m tired of lies, the good, the evil, the compromise. i’m tired of charlie rose. i’m tired of the rape of innocence. i’m tired of being single and alone. i’m tired of weddings. i’m tired of friendship. i’m tired of conversation. i’m tired of music, art, culture, and reckless wars. i’m tired of oxymorons. i’m tired of fucking virgins. i’m tired of stupidity, mine & yours. i’m tired of famine. i’m tired of fame. i’m tired of settling for less. i’m tired of being my best. i’m tired of paying for meals. i’m tired of going dutch. i’m tired of the dichotomy. i’m tired of life and it’s tired of me. well. maybe. i’m not tired of charlie rose. but. i’m definitely tired of this zit on my leg.